Considering I have assignments due tomorrow, I am officially back in college. The first time wasn’t fun. I went there after high school, later changed my major, eventually dropped out. I transferred twice but did return and graduate from where I began.

I was waking up at 4am and worked my first job from 5-11:30. I had classes from 12-6pm. Worked a second job from 7-9:30. By the time I showered and ate dinner it was 10:30/11pm. I went to bed around midnight and woke up at 4am to repeat the cycle.

I’m not proud of it, but because of the amount of coffee being consumed during the day to keep me awake I would sometimes drink hard liquor to help me sleep at night. I was also married at this point, so not a romantic start, but I have no regrets.

I’ve been married for over 9 years but going back to college has reminded me of a time when I was single. A friend tried to set me up with someone. “You’re both shy and would make a great couple.”

After the date my friend asked how it went. So I asked, do you know what happens when you put two shy people together? (The friend didn’t know the answer so I said) You get awkward silence, because they’re both shy. Feel free to comment with your own embarrassing story.

During our marriage my wife had a better salary than me. Feminism +1. Since our son was born she’s become a stay-at-home mom. Patriarchy +1. I’ve missed out on a number of firsts due to being at work. Patriarchy -1.

I was working on my son’s playlist for sleeping last night when I noticed he had learned something. I told my wife about him having a new skill but nothing more. This morning I received a text from her asking, is the new trick that he can get in and out of his crib?

Yes. Then she responded, “He came running in my room yelling mommy!” Parenthood +2.

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